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Ring of Shit
The weight of my ring was the first thing I noticed about being married. It ought not to feel so heavy, and yet the constant cleaving of skin and metal on my left hand has been—more so than the sun...
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The First 50 Days
I’d like to report on the first 8 weeks of my marriage like there’s some Cuban Missile Crisis to narrate and historicize, but there are no missile crises here. There’s domesticity. I’ve been talking...
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Questions About Double-Clicking My Mouse
So, do married people double-click their mouses? (Mice?) I ask reverently, since I am finding in the first weeks of marriage some dichotomy about the permissibility—some friends say no, some say yes,...
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Tom Turkey Likes Veggies
I don’t eat meat, Tom Turkey, so I spare you for another year. People keep asking me/us (since mi husbando is a lifelong vegetarian, too) how we handle Thanksgiving, like it’s some great astonishing...
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The Blistered Finger
So, my marital itch did not take seven years, and it did not take a zipper or a strumpet. It’s my ring. Yes, my ring finger has become blistered, less than three months into marriage. I have never...
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The Good DILFs
This is going to feel like a Sex and the City knockoff, and I apologize, because there is nothing worse, spoken as a Manhattanite, than dealing with throngs of women trapped in 1999 roaming the West...
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First World Problems
Life in La Rioja is about all things local. The city largely shuts down to celebrate the 427th anniversary of its founding; people sit around and drink soda in the park (as alcohol is not allowed,...
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Anti-Madeleine
It’s 3am (eternal) and I am cleaning a table, with remnants of the best pastries, dulce, chocolate cakes. The faces are totally new, but dear friends, because they embrace me as the spouse of a...
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The big stupid flies
We are all piggy. In the middle of the Myles Standish State Forest, near the intersection of Cape Cod, the Atlantic Ocean, and mainland Massachusetts, mosquitoes are the enemy, round the clock....
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Fantasy Scenario: Husband v Husband
It’s not quite The League, but we are facing each other in fantasy football this weekend. There are no dirty Sanchezes here (though I am starting Mark Sanchez), but it feels kinda peculiar to have a...
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Meals From the Heart
Mmmm….quince tart Hash browns make the most charming garnish. The plates are from Fish + Eddy, who found them in the basement of a 1970s commune I rarely write when I’m happy; looking over the years,...
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